My Story

I don't talk about my depression a lot, maybe because of things people have said in the past. A lot of people have called me an attention seeker, and said that I was faking. These people were friends, family, and school teachers, so of course I believed them. But this belief led to my spiral downwards. I've had depression for as long as I can remember, and it's been a struggle.

I was born with a rare and difficult-to-survive heart condition, and I think the first bits of depression stemmed from the hospital. I remember crying when the nurses would touch me, severe PTSD having come from having to be held down to have blood drawn every other day.  They weren't doing it to hurt me; they were saving my life. But that didn't stop the fear.

I get a lot of flack because of my depression, as well as my anxiety, OCD, and sometimes PTSD. I don't think a lot of people realize that these are diseases, just like a physical one, that needs to be treated with love and care. But so many people only see the outside; not the inside.

I want to use this blog to talk about what I've been through, and hopefully give hope to anyone who needs it. But I also want to bring things to light: people who have depression are not attention seekers. People with anxiety are not worry-warts or scaredy cats. People with serious life threatening medical conditions live with debilitating fear every day. Just because I can inspire others with my story doesn't mean that don't shake in my boots every time I go to the hospital. I think overly optimistic people that are sick are unrealistic. They are hiding a dark side.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I'm going to share my story, I'll give hope to anyone I can; but don't expect my story to be a pretty one.